Following the curious effect of a tin of baked beans on a saucepan, I wrote to Heinz:

Dear Director of Marketing,

I have today uncovered a feature of your baked beans which, I have every confidence, offers you an unparalleled marketing window.

I used my copper saucepan to heat your baked beans.   The pan was due for a clean so I was more than gratified by the sight of clean copper showing where the baked bean sauce had dribbled down one side.

After the usual delicious meal of baked beans on toast, I set to with my usual cleaning implements – a large wire brush and a tin of Brasso metal polish.

After half an hour’s vigorous work I was surprised to find that the rivulets occasioned by your baked bean sauce remained brighter and cleaner than the rest of the saucepan.

Given the cost of cleaning materials these days, it occurs to me that you would profit by a TV advertising campaign wherein a ‘Mum’ strains the beans before serving them to her grateful young children, whereupon a gleeful ‘Dad’ adds the sauce to the pan and uses it to give the outside a vigorous wipe, revealing it seconds later in its pristine gleam.   I can just hear the tag-line:

Your saucepans has-beens?

NOT with Heinz Beans’.

Further, I wonder if you could let me know the crucial ingredient in your sauce so that I can search for a cleaning agent that contains it.   As I scan the list of ingredients, it occurs to me that it might just be one of the constituents spirit vinegar or spice extracts.  

I’m aware that you will feel like offering me remuneration for this notable discovery.   I must assure you, however, that such a motivation is far from my thoughts.   I was wondering whether a year’s supply of your baked beans might be appropriate, but then it occurred to me that the sauce in which your beans are bathed could have an impact on my digestive system beyond that of a heavy duty wire brush and a tablespoonful of metal polish.

I await your replay with interest.

Yours etc.

Still waiting.


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